Communication is inevitably intertwined with confidence. Recently, I revisited a typical conversation that underscores this connection. It starts with a focus on communication, then the two-headed beast of fear and confidence emerges—sometimes subtly, and other times, it leaps boldly into the midst of the discourse.
“I need to improve my confidence when it comes to communication,” is a frequent concern shared by potential clients.
My usual response: “Why do you feel this way?”
The reply often follows: “Because I have to [give a big presentation/lead my team/host an important client meeting/something else].”
“Okay, tell me about some of the communication work you’ve been doing.”
“Honestly, none. I need confidence to attempt any communication. I’m afraid I’ll mess up and look bad. I could even lose my job.”
This familiar dialogue reveals three critical insights:
1. Fear as a Crippling Motivator: Fear heavily influences actions, often obstructing progress.
2. Expert Confidence as a Prerequisite: Many feel the need to possess expert-level confidence before they can communicate effectively, trying to eliminate or ignore fear.
3. Risk Aversion: The person has become so risk-averse that they avoid performance opportunities, which impedes the development of confidence and communication skills.
This outlines a typical fear spiral. People often get ensnared, unable to break free, leading to self-fulfilling prophecies of their worst fears becoming realities.
Fear, in itself, isn’t a negative motivator—in fact, it’s among the most common. People are typically driven by pleasure-seeking or pain-avoiding impulses. More often than not, change occurs when the pain surpasses a person’s tolerance threshold, even after they should have acted weeks, months, or years ago.
The challenge lies in distinguishing between two types of fear. Category one involves "real" fears, such as concerns about basic needs like food, shelter, security, and healthcare. Category two encompasses transitory fears, such as embarrassment, imposter syndrome, learning from mistakes, excelling in one's job, and feeling unworthy of accumulating prosperity.
A traumatic public speaking experience, a meeting blunder, a leadership failure, or a customer presentation gone wrong can become lasting scars. People obsess over these fears, which usually fall into the second category, yet becoming too entrenched in them could make the first category fears a reality.
Real fears (category one) can lead to substantive consequences. Transitory fears (category two) are more often self-constructed, can be addressed and overcome through practice and performance, ultimately building confidence. Confidence, in turn, empowers individuals to tackle real fears more effectively.
Closing Note: Fears are like scars—they remain with us as reminders rather than obstacles to eradicate. Confidence and performance are effective strategies to keep fears subdued, allowing space for them to motivate appropriately. Acknowledge their presence, and use them strategically to propel you forward.